Writers often get asked where they get their inspiration from. The answer, in my case, is from the world around me. For example, I spotted these signs on the railings as I left the supermarket and it made me chuckle – there must be a story in it somewhere! Maybe it would go like this…
Someone eats too many portions of the ‘award winning’ fish and chips and gains weight. They try dieting and eventually turn to a hypnotherapist for help. Failing to lose as much weight as quickly as they’d like their partner starts to bitch and complain and they decide to go to marriage guidance and counselling but they suspect their partner might be ‘straying’ and so they decide to hire a private detective.
OK – you get the picture so I’ll leave you to take it from there – good luck!
If you’d like to share where you take your inspiration from then please feel free to comment below.
Filed under Humour, Writing
‘Ready or not, here I come…
Hide and Seek is surely one of the oldest games in the universe. It’s so beautifully simple – one person closes their eyes and counts to ten and the other dashes off to hide somewhere. I loved playing it as a child and also loved playing it with my children.
The trouble is I’m too good at it! One time I was playing with my son when he was about four and I dashed off and hid in a wardrobe. Standing still and silent in the dark of the cupboard I could hear him rooting around the bedroom checking under the bed and I froze expecting to be discovered at any moment. It was a double wardrobe and he opened one of the doors and peered in but for some reason he left the door I was behind closed and failed to spot me. Success! Surely he’d have to give up now. I heard him move onto other rooms and remained where I was. After about half a hour my wife came into the bedroom and almost passed out with fright when she found me lurking in the wardrobe.
“Where is he?” I asked. To tell the truth, I’d been getting a bit bored waiting for him.
“He went out to play in the garden with the little girl next door,” she said, laughing at my being cast aside like a forgotten toy!
Undeterred, I still love the game and yesterday, while Grandma was busy cooking sausages in the kitchen, I played it again, this time with my four year old grandson. I found a really tight but well concealed spot wedged in the corner of our living room between the sofa and a little-used cupboard. Once again I felt the thrill of anticipation at hearing my grandson moving around the room searching for me and not finding me. Soon, he’d enlisted the help of Grandma and the two of them came into the room and still failed to discover my hiding place. They moved on and I could hear them searching around the house calling my name but I wasn’t about to fall for that old trick! After a while, a note of desperation crept into Grandma’s voice as she called out that the sausages were burning. It was only then that I realised I was well and truly wedged into my hiding place and couldn’t budge. Eventually, guided by my cries for help they found me and, when they’d stopped laughing at my predicament, they managed to help me clamber out.
What a great game!
Have you had any embarrassing moments playing children’s games that you want to share?
Filed under Humour, Random
Last week, I had to stop watching a ladies Wimbledon match because I couldn’t stand the noisy grunts made by one of the players. Why do some players feel the need to grunt every time they hit a ball? Ping-pong players don’t do it and neither do squash, nor badminton players as far as I recall. Snooker players certainly don’t grunt and can you imagine marathon runners grunting their way through 26 miles!
Do the coaches or sports psychologists put them up to it? Does grunting release all their inner tension into the ball? Does it maximise their performance? Do grunters win more games than non-grunters? Are there stats for grunting?
If it does prove to enhance performance can we expect it to spread to other sports? Perhaps the government should commission a study – maybe we could grunt our way out of this recession.
Will it be only a matter of time before management gurus introduce grunting into the workplace?
Office workers could start each day with a grunt meeting, bricklayers would surely build walls faster by grunting every time they lay a brick. Will it spread to supermarket checkouts – a grunt to speed every item scanned through the till. Should staff in call centres grunt each time they answer the call? (Wait a minute, that may already be happening!)
Oh well, I’m going to stop grumbling and start grunting – watch this space and please tell me if it improves my blogging. Ugh!
I know this blog is allegedly about writing but occasionally, like all writers, I get distracted.
With all the rain we’ve been having of late, I decided to buy a new waterproof jacket. There are many to choose from so in the end, for me, it all boiled down to colour: I generally try and avoid bright reds, blues or greens, so I chose a nice plain charcoal-grey. It was only when I got home and took off the labels that I noticed my new waterproof has ‘Pit Zips’. Now, for the uninitiated, these are zips, about a foot long, beneath each armpit and the blurb tells me they can be used to regulate my temperature.
So there we have it – next time I get all sweaty climbing up a mountain, I can unzip my pit zips, put my hands on my head and shoot the breeze, pirouetting like Maria in the early scenes of The Sound of Music. It’ll release all of those nasty underarm odours and replace them with sweet mountain air. I wonder if there’s any danger of my jacket filling up and making me look like a big charcoal balloon.
These pit zips could be handy for letting out steam on a crowded tube train too; although I’m not sure what the other passengers’ll make of it! Also great for having a good old pit scratch, without the need to take the jacket off.
Of course, its hardly rained here in Cardiff since I bought it.